Just another eMail

eMail is great way to distribute information – this was emailed to me a while back by some one who should have been working!
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This was an actual letter sent to Kotex by somebody who works for the Netcare Group.

Dear Kotex,

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my panty liner had a bunch of “Kotex Tips for Life” on it. Annoying advice such as:
- Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
- Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
- Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
- Try Kotex blah blah blah other products

Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and report back. I’ll wait.

While you’re at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I garan-friggin-tee that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.

Look, women don’t need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing “helpful” crap like that from
their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol.

Printing out shit advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.

Mostly we’d like to forget that we even need these products. It’s not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the shit in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store.

So take your tips for living and shove them right up your ass.

Ovarily Yours,

Miss PMS

xxx

Just another reminder that new is not always better

I want to talk to about a very serious subject…

We were brought never to talk about bodily functions. And, if we ever brought up  the subject up we would talk in euphemisms – you know, some like, : “I need to whizz”  if you needed to urinate or the need for “number two,” when you need to defecate.

Then some adults may say the need to “s h one t’” as if spelling out the word most commonly used to describe excreta makes any less smelly!

Come on guys, they are normal body functions, we shit, we pee! But just in case you do not believe me, the France Tourism dedicate a full page to the toilets of Paris. And if you visit Elk Falls in Kansas, you get to go on an Outshouse tour.

And because this is a seriously important sunject, there is even a Loo of the Year award. And who said public toilets must be dirty and smelly – New York Bryant Park’s public restrooms were recently voted number one in the world by travel website Virtual Tourist.

So, let me leave with some final words of wisdom – When you got to go, you got to go – and it does mater whether you whiz, tinkle, or pee or is that poop, crap or shit!

 

Tea and Toast

When you think comfort food, you usually do not think of tea and toast. Yet tea (or coffee) and toasted (or not) bread is often the easiest compromise when nothing else appeals. You can tart it up with jam or syrup, maybe Marmite, maybe Anchovy paste or just margarine. Of course if you are feeling really brave, and don’t worry about your cholesterol – real butter.

Growing up, there was nothing nicer thn thickly cut slices of bread, spread thickly with butter. Today, bread is sold thinly sliced and tastes of cardboard. Butter has become a big no no. Oh, well at least there is still chocolate!

The week that was

The week actually started off well. I picked up a quick job, got it done, and the client advised he was happy with it – and that that is the last I heard from him. OK I did collect a deposit – but seriously – if you have a problem, talk to me. Especially as I can see when you are online with Skype and I have sent you eMails, Instant Messages and I have remained online with Skype was past my normal business hours.

I expect that either i will chalk it up to a lesson learnt or he will reappear just as suddenly as when he disappeared. But that was not the only disaster of the week. On Friday I went to pickup my grandsons at school and the car would not start – and damn a new battery is expensive.

So what will the new week bring – hopefully, new clients with money (lots of it!)

Cape Town Nostalgia:- The Sunday Braai

Before the Cape Peninsula was declared a Natrue Reserve, it was possible to braai almost any where.

The favourite spot for my family was the Tokai Forest. Whoever got there first would find a area where we could form a circle as the rest arrived. Fires were made, the beers came out and the men would get on with the serious work of braaing. The women were in charge of the salads and the children.

I also remeber driving out along the coastal road between Bakoven and Llandudno, finding a suitable spot along the side of the road, pulling over and having a braai. We could braai on the lawns on Camps Bay (the rocks on the Bakoven side) as well as on Camps bay Drive. The Glen was another good popular spot.

Today, you can only make fires on private private property, usually at home.

Really – those were the good old days!

Before they became labels

In the 70′s, if you were a smoker you used a butane lighter, usually gold or silver. Disposable lighters had not been thought of. Matches were for when your gas ran out and if you used a petrol lighter, you were just not cool. I had a Zippo that had been my grandfather’s which I never used.

Ray Bans were good looking but not that popular. I only paid attention to them, because you could get them with strengthened glass which was great for target practice. Of course if you have seen Electra Glide in Blue., you will remember motor cycle cops wearing tear drop mirror glass Ray Bans. you would have also been introduced to another yet to become a label, Harley Davidson.

Jeans were jeans,  I preferred Wranglers but would have been just as comfortable wearing another brand. You wore jeans because they were tough and comfortable, not be cause they were fashionable.

Anyway, my Zippo was stolen, not that it matters as I don’t smoke. I wear prescription lenses, both clear and dark lenses. I buy my jeans from Mr Price and when I get round to buying a motor bike (maybe) I am likely to get a Ducatti or a Triumph.